Ramen Kills
by Usmell
Summary: Inuyasha develops a phobia. Please R&R without flames! Flamers will be sucked into my Kazaana! Complete!
1. Can't think of a name

Ramen Kills  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. There. I said it. HAPPY NOW?!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was a quiet, sunny afternoon. Inuyasha was under the God Tree eating his favorite dish. Yep, ramen. "Why don't you like the food I make?" Kagome asked him angrily. "Oh. You mean that stuff's food?" Inuyasha replied calmly, while unbeknownst to him, imaginary fire appeared all around Kagome. "SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!" Now Inuyasha was eating his least favorite dish. Dirt. "At least I saved the ramen," Inuyasha said to himself after he recovered. "That was close," "SIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs, causing Inuyasha to create a 5-foot wide crater. She walked away, mumbling something about stupid boys and idiot ramen lovers. Inuyasha pried his face off the ground just in time to see Kagome disappearing through the well. "W-what?! Stupid girl! We still have to collect the Shikkon jewel shards!" Inuyasha hollered, only to discover that Kagome was back in her own time, unable to hear him. "Now I have to follow her." He said under his breath. He scarfed up the ramen while he smiled a big stupid smile due to the "utterly delicious" taste.  
  
THWAP! "I swear, I didn't see your-" THWAP! Miroku lay on the ground, unconscious. *~* "DON'T EVER TOUCH ME THERE AGAIN!!!" Sango's face was pure red as she stormed away in pure anger. "Wait. Come back. I'm sorr-" Plop! Miroku lay on the ground, once again unconscious @.@ (A/N: We all know he wasn't actually sorry. What a perv!). "SORRY?! You're not sorry! You just want what you always want!" Sango shouted from another room (A/N: Miroku, Sango, and Shippo are in a house). "This is fun." Shippo said to himself, watching the angry demon slayer and the lecherous monk.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
So how was the first chapter? I know it's a little short, but this is my first fic! Please R&R without flames! 


	2. More Ramen Please! And the Attack of the...

Ramen Kills  
  
Chapter 2: More Ramen, Please! And the Attack of the Super Lech!  
  
Disclaimer: I DO OWN INUYASHA.I wish.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What am I going to do with him?" Kagome asked herself, still angry at Inuyasha, since it had only been about 10 seconds after she came through the well. "I mean, I try to give him something good to eat, and he spits in my face!" She started to imitate Inuyasha in a mocking tone. "Oh, you mean that stuff's food? WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!! I guess I better calm down, though. After all, he is Inuyasha. You can't expect much from him." She sighed.  
  
"Kagomeeee! Where are you?" Inuyasha said. "I want more ramen." (A/N: We all know what he really wants. Lol.)  
  
"Is that Inuyasha?" Kagome said, not knowing whether she was hearing things or not. Suddenly, Inuyasha walked out of the shrine.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Kagome asked him angrily.  
  
"Kagome?" He said slowly.  
  
"Can I help you?" She said rather sarcastically.  
  
"Uh.I want more ramen." He said, anxiously waiting for his lovely and delicious ramen.  
  
Kagome's face started to get redder than Inuyasha's fire rat coat. "RrrrrrrrrrRRRRRR SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"OWWWWWW!!!" Inuyasha yelled as he hit his head on a huge rock 10 feet under the ground. Kagome quickly braced Inuyasha's head after he got up out of the huge ditch he was in.  
  
"How do you like your Ramen?!!!!!!" Kagome yelled at him while shoving a cup of cooked ramen in his face. (A/N: GEEZ she cooks fast!)  
  
"Uhhhhh. I don't!" Inuyasha said as he backed away from the ramen, which was now spilled all over the ground.  
  
"What's up with him?" Kagome said very confusedly. "He's probably going back to the WSE (A/N: This means 'warring states era.' I might use it again in this story, so I just wanted to clear somethin' up.) to taunt shippo or scold miroku for being a pervert. I'd better follow him before shippo gets another lump on his head."  
"Where are Inuyasha and Kagome?" Miroku asked nobody in particular.  
  
"I don't know. I hope they haven't gone shard hunting without us." Sango said, trying to say nothing that would stimulate Miroku's "instincts."  
  
"Well, as long as they're gone, we might as well do something to pass the time." Miroku slyly said while silently edging closer to Sango, who was about to be driven off the deep end.  
  
Sango suddenly realized she had failed to keep Perv Boy away from herself as she felt a hand rather high up on her front (A/N: You know where that is, hopefully. I don't want to explain it to those of you who don't.) "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!!!!!!" she shouted at the lecherous monk as she elbowed him. Hard. (A/N: Miroku was behind her when she elbowed him. Hard.)  
  
"I ow said ow we ow should ow do ow something ow to ow pass ow the-" SMACK! THWAP! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!  
  
Sango walked away proudly, knowing that The Pervinator wasn't going to bother her anymore.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
So how was it? Did ya like it?  
  
Next chapter coming in about a week or so, hopefully sooner. Please R&R! 


	3. INUYASHA DOESN'T LIKE RAMEN?

Ramen Kills  
  
Chapter 3: INUYASHA DOESN'T LIKE RAMEN???  
  
Disclaimer: If I really owned Inuyasha, do you think I'd be writing this?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Inuyasha sat near the well, without his ramen (A/N: How weird.) He decided to go help Sango with Miroku. "After all, he was the Super Letch in the last chapter."  
  
"Inuyaaashaaa!" Kagome called from inside the well.  
  
"Oh no! She's probably got more ramen!" Inuyasha said to himself while he started to run towards the house that Miroku, Sango, and Shippo were in, which was pretty far away. "I hope she doesn't get there soon after I do." Inuyasha said, once again, to himself. (A/N: Inuyasha keeps saying things to himself.)  
  
"So when do you think Miroku will wake up?" Shippo asked Sango, needing to know when he would get some more laughs.  
  
"I don't know, but I hope it's not soon. I really don't want to get touched where I did last time." Sango sighed, knowing however that Miroku would soon wake up to "work his magic" again.  
  
"I wonder where Kagome and Inuyasha are." Shippo said, sounding the teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeniest bit worried. (A/N: He would have been more worried about Kagome if he wasn't sure that Inuyasha was with her.) "I hope they get back soon. I'm starting to get hungry." He said just as Inuyasha came through the door.  
  
"Is ramen all you ever think about?" Inuyasha asked Shippo more angrily than was polite (A/N: But we shouldn't expect any politeness of Inuyasha, now should we?)  
  
Shippo was confused. "But I never said anything about ramen. All I said was that I was hungry. I just need plain old food."  
  
"See?! You said 'All I need is plain old ramen.'" Inuyasha said.  
  
"B-but.is something wrong with you, Inuyasha?" Shippo asked the paranoid hanyou, who was now sweating, clenching his teeth, breathing rather heavily, and flexing the claws on both of his hands.  
  
"N-no! Nothing's w-wrong with me!" Inuyasha stammered.  
  
"But you're twitching." Shippo said slowly, beginning to cringe for the moment. The moment he would get "another huge lump on his head" as Kagome had said to herself in the last chapter. But.the moment didn't come. Shippo sat there, confused.  
  
"Why are you so twitchy, Inuyasha? Sango asked him.  
  
"Twitchy? Who's twitchy? I'm not twitchy!" Inuyasha said, sounding VERY paranoid. Just then, Kagome came through the door.  
  
"Inuyasha, how come you just left me at the well like that?!" Kagome asked him angrily. "Anyway, I stopped being angry. Here, I brought you some ramen."  
  
"What? Ramen? I hate that stuff!" Inuyasha, who was now calm, said.  
  
"What?!" Kagome said not so much angrily as surprised.  
  
"WHAT???!!!" everyone, even Miroku, who was still unconscious (A/N: I have no idea how that perv could hear that conversation in his sleep), said.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Was this one good? Geez, I wrote this fast! Could you believe it took me only about an hour to write this chapter? Chapter 4 might be the last one.  
  
Okay, now, I have review requests for you to PLEASE put in your reviews: first, I need you to tell me if my fic is either funny, or are you just being nice? Second, I need you to tell me if my chapters should be longer in the future. Third, I would like you to alert me of many mistakes I need to change in my chapters.  
  
Please R&R! Thanx! 


	4. Ramen Kills!

Ramen Kills  
  
Chapter 4: Ramen Kills!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Why don't I own Inuyasha? *Sob*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"WHAT???!!!" Everyone but Inuyasha said in unison.  
  
"That's right, I HATE ramen, so get it away from me!" Inuyasha yelled, thinking to himself "If Kagome tries to give me another bite of ramen, I might die!"  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, pigs fly." Kagome said.  
  
"How come?" Shippo asked him.  
  
"It's none of your business!" Inuyasha yelled at him.  
  
"Okay! I was just asking!!" Shippo yelled back.  
  
"Now that they're distracted by Inuyasha's phobia, I might as well go for it." Miroku thought to himself slyly, or, so he thought. He edged closer to Sango. Closer, closer, closer still.  
  
Suddenly Sango's voice seemed to be the only one to be heard over the arguing as she felt two hands squeezing her butt. "PERVERT!!! LECHER!!! I THOUGHT MONKS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HOLY!!!" SMACK! WHAP! TWAP! THWAP! BWAP! PWAP! SOMETHING ELSE THAT ENDS IN WAP!  
  
"I guess I overdid it a little." Miroku said with his face looking like this: @.@.  
  
"Even one small touch is overdoing it!" Sango screamed at him. "Someday I'm going to kill you before your Kazaana does, I mean I will literally kill you, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself!"  
  
"Wow, Sango's really getting worked up about this." Kagome said to nobody in particular.  
  
"Well, how can I not?!" Sango yelled at her, not meaning to get angry at Kagome, though. "While you were gone, I was touched on my butt, touched in a place that shouldn't even be MENTIONED in a rated G fanfiction story, AND JUST NOW HE SQUEEZED MY BUTT INSTEAD OF JUST TOUCHING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I SWARE THAT THE NEXT TIME HE TOUCHES ME, I'LL PUT HIM INTO A COMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Whoa." Inuyasha said, dumbfounded. "That was unusual. Now back to what we were talking about. Here goes." Inuyasha inhaled a deep breath. "Kagome! I don't want the ramen!"  
  
"Take the ramen!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!!"  
  
"NO!!"  
  
"YES!!!"  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
"SIT!!!!"  
  
"OW!!!!"  
  
"Get him in the chair and tie him up!" Kagome yelled as she grabbed Inuyasha.  
  
"Wait, no, no, no, NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Inuyasha yelled hysterically as he was being hoisted into the chair (A/N: I have no idea where they got the chair and rope.)  
  
"Okay, now hand me some ramen! We need to get rid of that fear!" Kagome said as she was being handed some ramen. But as she turned back, there was an empty chair with some cut rope on it.  
  
"Hey, look over there!" cried Shippo as he pointed to an Inuyasha-shaped hole in the wall.  
  
A few minutes later, after they caught Inuyasha, they tied him down to the floor hf the house with some chains instead of rope.  
  
"Okay, Inuyasha. Now tell me why you hate ramen!" Kagome ordered him.  
  
"No! No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!" Inuyasha said yelled back at Kagome. "I'll never tell you why I hate ramen!"  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"I'll say it!"  
  
"You expect me to believe that load of $***?!"  
  
"SIT BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kagome shouted.  
  
"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU! JUST STOP SAYING SIT, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Inuyasha yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Good boy." Kagome said calmly.  
  
"I-I-I d-don't like r-ramen because y-you youkeepsittingmebecauseIwantit!!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I finally finished my first fanfic! Yay! Please R&R and tell me watcha think! 


End file.
